Dreamweavings

My Healing Work

I would like to talk a little about what I have noticed with my shamanic work since I have been back.  I have done four soul retrievals since I have been home and one depossession.  The work is different for me, as the practitioner.  I usually tape my sessions with the client, and give them the tape to take with them.  With my first session, it took me about an hour to figure out how to work my tape player.  I tried everything I could think of, and then I finally realized that the thing was on pause.  It was quite frustrating.  (Later I realized that it was because my ancestor was already in my body, and he didn’t know how to work the tape player!) And then for first soul retrieval I did, I did a lot of singing and dancing to get into a trance state. I knelt down next to the client, and rattled to get even farther.  I lay down next to the client to journey, and I “saw” my ancestor who does the shamanic work sitting on a log, laughing hysterically at me.  He looked at me, and said “if you feel like you need to do this then go ahead, but who do you think is going to do this work anyway?”  So, now I am in the middle of a soul retrieval, and I realize that I don’t know how to work.  I usually work with my power animal. Has this ancestor replaced my power animal, what am I supposed to do?  My ancestor says for me to continue with my power animal.  My power animal takes me to the places of the missing soul essence is, but this is different too.  I usually “see” some sort of setting of where the soul essence is currently or when it left.  But now I see nothing.  I am in the void.  I am there for all three pieces that I retrieve.  I collect the pieces and blow them into the client, I go get a power animal for the client, and their life’s purpose with a symbol.  I tell the client “Welcome Home,” and ask them how they feel, and they begin to tell me what happened for them when I blew in the soul essence.  They felt the energy come in, and they felt within their body the gifts that the soul essence brought back, and they were able to name them, before I even told them what they were!  This had never happened for me before.  And the same thing has happened for all four of the soul retrievals I have done.  The client may not tell me exactly before I tell the healing story, but they tell at some point in our time together.  I feel like the work I am doing now is taking me deeper, and seems to be taking my clients there too.  And I feel so much joy doing the work.  I felt the joy before, but I really feel it now.  My heart just sings.  I am still sorting out how to work.  The power animal does not fit into the African system, as I know it.  Neither does the teacher, for that matter, but the ancestors are kind of like teachers, so I can work with that one.  A friend of mine suggested that I journey to my power animal and ask him how he fits in.  I don’t know why I didn’t think of that.  I’ll find my way, eventually.  In the end, my work will look like my work, not someone else’s.  Bottom line, shamanism is all about results anyway.  If my way gets results, then I am on the right track.  And for now, I can say that my new found way appears to be getting better results than before.  I’m just very happy to have clients and to be doing the work.  I am grateful to my ancestors, and to all of those who came before, for their love, knowledge, guidance and immense patience as we all try to find our own way with this work in these changing times.  Take care,  Shilo

Life at Home

So, I would like to talk a little about my integration back into my normal life.  I have been really lucky with this trip; my re-integration back into my family has been really good.  My husband and I are getting along really well, and the relationship with my son seems to be about the same.  That part seems to be doing pretty well.  I got diarrhea about two days home.  I realized that I needed to get reconnected with my ancestors again, so I made my bubbles again, and it worked.  My diarrhea has subsided and the rest of my body symptoms have disappeared.  I unpacked within two days.  And it was like nothing had happened.  My husband sees no change with me.

I’m back to doing my normal life.  I don’t feel like I have direction in any particular way.  I don’t know what I am supposed to be doing.  I am back to where I was before I left, and it is a little un-nerving.  Some where in the second week back, I had a “loud” discussion with my ancestors.  Here I am, ready to get to work, and there is no work.

I have talked with a couple of my close friends and they have helped me to put this time in perspective.  One of them asked me what did I expect, a line of clients out to the street.  And I have to say, that yes indeed that is what I expected, except I also expected it to be three deep.  If I am a healer, then I want to heal!  One of my friends said “My God Shilo, you’ve been back for ten days. Maybe you need to chill.”  I must say, that I don’t really want to chill.  I want to be doing something.  And my friend pointed out that I have been able to re-integrate with ease and grace, and maybe I should be grateful for the fact that I’m back in my life, and there are no crises.  And maybe, this is about time for my family to get settled with my energy, so that there continue to be no crises.  And maybe a time for my ancestors to get settled too.

I was able to hear that advise, and I calmed down.  And then my friend said something that I have been thinking about a lot.  She reminded me about how relatively easy it was for me to be in Africa.  That would not have necessarily been her experience.  The actual day to day process was less enhanced with material items than I experience here, and that part of the trip didn’t bother me so much.  And she reminded me that I am Native American, my grandfather is half Ojibie, and that this – healing and living in harmony with the land - is in my DNA.  Maybe this is about me owning my inheritance. I was not raised on a reservation, neither was my mom or my grandfather.  His mother was not raised on a reservation either, she was raised in a tribe on the land.  So, my grandfather passed down how to live on the land, but not necessarily the tribal ways.  And because I don’t know the tribal ways, I have discounted my heritage.  I forgot that it’s in my DNA, and going to come out without having to be taught within an actual tribal system.  We all have pieces of our DNA that have to do with our birthright, and it will be activated when it’s time.  And, I don’t have to feel like I am not good enough to claim my birth right and my DNA, just because I don’t have a piece of paper that says I belong to this particular tribe.  I seem to have a pattern of searching for some piece of paper that will give me some sort of legitimacy for who I am inside.

What I am getting to, is that I don’t need a piece of paper so that I can prove to you that I am good enough and that I have a right to be who I am.  I am getting to the point of I AM WHO I AM, and from there moving onto I KNOW WHAT I KNOW.  And, I am not going to be able to live within a tribal system, because that is not my way.  I have had to find my own way, defining it as I go.  So the fact that my way doesn’t resemble the traditional tribal way, does not discount what I know, or my gifts, my birth right.  My birth right, my purpose, is that of a healer and an artist.  I don’t need anyone to validate if for me.  I am what I am.  And there is freedom in my insides because of that.  I get to define what it means to be my kind of healer, and my kind of artist.  So, being reminded about my DNA has maybe given me part of the answer of what I grew into while I was in Africa.  I am sure there is more to be discovered, but this is where I am tonight.

Take care,  Shilo

Now that I am home, remembering Africa

    I have been home now for two and a half weeks, and thought you all might like to know how the final days worked out, and about my trip home.  The last two days were spent on working with the herbs, and making muti.  Thursday morning, P. H. finally blessed all of my spiritual things; my alter pieces, all of the various things I had beaded, my bones, and the muti.  Once those things were blessed, I could pack.  Getting packed was a big relief.  I am not necessarily a good traveler.  I worry a lot before I actually get on an airplane.  Getting packed was one item off my list.  I had dinner with P. H. that last night.  I wanted to thank him for all he had done for me, and to let him know that I was/am grateful.  We sat eating in the surgery, and I told P. H. how much I appreciated what he had done for me, and my ancestors.  And I told him that although I did not graduate as a Sangoma, I did not think my ancestors were unhappy about it.  The way of the Sangoma, is not necessarily my way.  P. H. looked at me, and told me with a lot of conviction, that I would be back.  He said that I was right, I didn’t need to graduate to be complete, but that I would be back for the muti.  And when he said it that way, I could see myself coming back for the muti.  And if I came back for the muti, I might as well stay long enough to make the graduation thing happen too.  I am not making any promises, I just realized that this was a possibility that I had not thought of.  And then we talked of the bones.  P. H. gave me positions of how which bones landed where, and what it would mean.  We talked for a long time about the bones.  I told P. H. that I was disappointed that I was not better at them.  He told me to listen to my inner self, and the stories would come.  And then he told me that I would be better at reading them, than P. H. himself.  That statement took me off guard.  How could that be?  My bone reading is so primitive!  I have a long ways to go before I get the depth in a reading that P. H. has.  At this point, this seems like a pipe dream.  However, I trust P. H.  So, I must keep working with my bones.  And, eventually, we will become a well oiled team.

And, as the night continued, our conversation went on.  We talked about how the people who came to the homestead had reacted to me.  When P. H. saw his client, they were not always willing to be in his “treatment” room.  They preferred to work outdoors.  A lot of the time, I was in the treatment room.  I would come out with the muti that P. H. asked for, and I would see the looks on the client’s faces.  Their eyes would get big, and they would stare at me.  I would clap, and kneel before P. H., as I gave him the muti, and their mouths would hang open.  P. H. said he would laugh inside each time that would happen.  And then he would explain to them that I was a “Big Sangoma” from the

U.S.

and I had just come for an upgrade on my skills.  I never knew what P. H. was saying, it was in the local language not English.  It has not been that long since apartheid was alive and well in this part of the world.  And even though things have changed with the laws, the attitudes of most whites towards the blacks is very much the same as it was.  So, seeing a white there was a shock.  And then seeing one who knew the ways of the ancestors, and also showed respect was sometimes just too much for P. H.’s clients.  Because I am not of that culture, I don’t think I truly fathom the impact of me being there and my behavior had on people.  It’s about seeing people in their divinity, and then following through with my actions.  It touches people profoundly:  much more so than I can even put into words.  But think back to the first time some one truly SAW you for who you are and they were OK with it, and remember what that felt like.  I didn’t think anything about what I was doing when I did it.  I was just being me.  And yet it had an impact on all of those people around me.  And then I heard the words P. H. had told the people.  That I was a big healer.  That’s the first time he had really told me what he thought of my skills.  I know that I had felt like we were peers, but I was just a junior peer.  I question my skills as a healer, I doubt my abilities.  So, even though I felt really accepted by P. H., I thought it was more on a personal level than on a professional one.  At that moment, I realized that P. H. accepted, and respected me on a professional level.  He had no time for the layperson, as he calls them.  If he did not respect me on a professional level, he would not have spent so much of his time just talking with me about everything under the sun.  And then P. H. said something that nearly broke my heart.  He said that now he was going to be lonely.  He would have no one to talk with him about muti.  Tears started to well up in my eyes.  I knew I could not cry, P. H. would not be OK with that.  He is not a demonstrative man.  That was as close to a good-bye as I was going to get.  And I also realized just how lonely he is; how lonely we all are on some level, those of us that walk this path.  Having the ancestors with me all the time has eased some of the loneliness, but it is still there.  I don’t feel comfortable or accepted by most people, talking about this kind of stuff.  That’s why our gatherings are so important to me.  Then I have people I can tell what is really going on for me, and they don’t take a step back, and start looking for the straight jacket.

So, my trip home was pretty uneventful.  I made it into more that it was, just because I am not the best of travelers.  I really do worry.  I went to the open market before I left, and bought a few more herbs.  Nduna (P. H.’s son) and I had to lay on my suit case to get it closed.  I began to worry that the zipper would break in route.  I left Nduna in Manzini, and he gave me directions to the airport.  I was a nervous wreck the whole drive, and I found the airport without even one wrong turn!  I wish I had been able to “Let go and let God”.  It would have made things so much easier.  I got checked in, no problems.  I turned in my rental car, and there the only problem I encountered happened.  I had rented from Avis, and when I picked up the car, I was told the cost was in the local currency.  When I turned in the car, I was going to pay it off in cash, and the cost went up about 8 times what I had been originally quoted.  I turns out, the first cost was in U.S. dollars, even though they assured me it was in the local currency.   I am working on that one.  I feel like there was a bait and switch going on, and I will no longer be doing business with Avis.  I will also be encouraging others to boycott them too.  Their behavior was not clean.

Once I was in the

Johannesburg

airport, I had a seven hour layover.  I went into a restaurant and ordered a chicken wrap and potato skins.  I can not even begin to define just how good that tasted.  I could only eat about a third of what was served, but it was a little piece of heaven just the same.  Just a little piece of information about that airport.  There are no announcements over the loudspeaker about flights.  You have to read the leader board, and my flight loaded before it ever came up on the leader board.  Luckily for me, there were a few other people waiting for the flight too, so I knew that I had made it to the correct gate.  Once I was on board, the eighteen hour flight was just an eighteen hour flight.  I got stiff and sore in the seat, just like everyone else.  I wore my beads, and many of the black people recognized them as a healer’s, but they could not believe a white could be wearing them.  I had some interesting conversations.  Once we landed in

Atlanta

, my nerves were shaken again.  I was picked to be searched by customs.  I had declared some biltong (jerky).  An amazing thing happened as I went through customs.  They asked me to find the item, which were in my carry on, and the took them (although I was told they were doing it because of hoof and mouth – cattle- and I had ostrich.  I decided not to argue.).  My checked luggage was not looked at, and I kept the locks on them when I rechecked them for the domestic flights.  I got into

Denver

, and found my luggage without any problems, with the locks intact.  I hadn’t brought back anything that was a problem, all of the herbs had been pounded or chopped, but I didn’t want to have to explain.  I caught my shuttle to

Arvada

with no problems, and my husband’s cousin was waiting for me at the shuttle stop.  When I got home, the very first thing I wanted to do, was take a shower.  I hadn’t had one in four weeks.  But, the first thing I knew I had to do was to set up my alter, and unpack all of my sacred things.  So, I did and then went into the shower.  And then I went to a soccer game to watch my son play and to see my husband.  It was great seeing them.  And then, to sleep in my own bed again.  I slowly moved back into my own life.  This is all for now,  Take care,  Shilo

The bones are inside of me!

Today has been a better day, and although I haven't thrown the bones, I know that things will get better the more time I spend with them. Mamba told me on Saturday that I don't have to "read" the bones, because they are inside of me:  it's the ancestors talking and once I get home, things are going to change. Last Sunday, Mamba went with me to the nearest reserve.  He was instrumental in setting up (he was a very high diplomat before he retired) and getting the animals to re-populate it with. We took a tour through the park, and Mamba shared a lot of things with me that the guide did not know.  It was really nice.  We stopped feet away from a sleeping pride of lions - 1 male, and five females.  He was on his back with his feet in the air, just like our Irish setter Morgan sleeps.  Then he sat up, and we stayed there for a while longer watching. I would have spent my whole time there, but there were two other people with us, so we had to move on.  Mamba was funny. He is a very black, very proper English gentleman, from the colonial era.  Always well dressed in a suit, pretty much just like PH.  Mamba told the lion he was a lazy bastard, and should get up and walk around.  I was shocked at Mamba's words, and amused at the same time.  He taught me how to swear at my bones, and at my ancestors.  He says it works for him.  I'm still working on talking to them out loud.

 

Today we sorted and bagged muhti for me to bring home.  It was a very good day for me.  I wish we had been doing this for the last five days!  PH was fun to watch.  The ancestors would tell  him which ones to choose from all of the bottles and jars he has.  He would sway and smile, and stamp his feet as he got more and more pleased with each mixture.  Pray for me on Saturday, as I go through customs.  My ancestors say that I will not have a problem.  PH says I will not have a problem.  My bags are full of herbs.  I learned so much, and it really felt like I was home, like I have done this for a very long time.  I have two ancestors that are herb specialists.  I am now dreaming about herbs, which one to get and where to plant them in my yard.  I am excited to start this process.  In the meantime, I am taking a few home with me.  Tomorrow, one of the boys is taking me out to dig muhti that will purify my bones.  PH thinks the same plant grows in the US, and wants me to be able to identify it.  And then he will pray over all of the sacred things I am bringing back, and instruct the ancestors to let no one touch them on our journey home.  Two more nights left, one more day, and I'm headed home.  I'm ready to be at home.  My ancestors are ready to leave too.  They have instructed me to pack, PH has told me to not pack until I have the blessed muhti, it goes in my suitcase first.  I have found myself packing today, and then having to unpack because I don't have the muthi, only to find myself folding and sorting clothes to pack again.

 

And then on another note, I am staying on a homestead that is basically a family farm. There are chickens and goats and cattle and my three brothers, the guinea fowl.  Two weeks ago I went and got them bird food. My brothers followed me around before, watching from outside when I had my bone lessons, well, now that I am feeding them, they are almost impossible.  And the chickens have become pesky too.  They wait for me outside what ever building I am in, and once I come out, they begin to shriek and cluck and chatter.  I can't hear anyone who might be talking with me.

 

There is one white hen that PH used in a healing.  The "healing law" states that he was supposed to kill it, because he used it to remove the sickness from a patient. He is having an experiment, and watching the bird to see what happens, and how it is behaving, and then periodically checking in with the patient. This white bird has been following me around since I got here, even more so than my brothers.  It actually comes into the building for my bone lessons, and just stands there and watches.  PH laughs a lot when this happens.  I have been calling the bird possessed, as in entities, but I think PH thinks I mean it in the form of the ancestors.  Now that I have begun feeding them, the white one has taken to biting my ankles. If I don't watch for it, it will sneak up behind me and get me. The first time this happened, no one else saw it.  I was so taken by surprise.   could not believe it would do this. Then PH and Mamba saw it get me the second time. They both were laughing so hard, they had tears.  PH had to sit down to recover.  Now I am positive the bird is possessed. PH says that my brothers are going to the airport with me.  I know that won't happen, because they make way too much noise, I would find them.  But now I am worried about the possessed one.  She is so sneaky.  I am now always watching over my shoulder when I am outside.  I do not trust her.  She got me again tonight.  I was looking for her, and she was no where to be seen, and then out of no where I got bit.  And then she runs off.  It is great amusement for all that happen to see it.  I warn them all that I am going to get the last laugh. I am leaving, and she is staying, and she is going to turn her attention to someone else. Their ankles are in danger. This is all for now, and probably the end until I return to the US.  Two more nights, one more day, and I'm on my way.  Shilo

Emotional breakdown or breakthrough~ what do I really know??

I have three more nights, and two more days here, and I can not even begin to express how much I am looking forward to going home and being with my family, and taking a shower!

 

Last Thursday, August 24, I had  an emotional and mental melt down that has lasted about five days, although the brunt of it was over in three.  This is my story.  I still have not recovered in some ways: you will see what I mean.

 

During the preceding week, I had asked a question of my ancestors, through the bones.  It was one of those simple yes/no questions.  I asked the question twice, on different days, and each time I re-confirmed the answer twice.  PH was there, also reading the answer.  On Thursday, what the bones had said would not come to pass, in fact did.  I was thrown for a loop.  It took about 24 hours for me to fully feel just how thrown off I was by this event.  And, to make matters worse, my period started later that same night.  I don't know exactly why, but when a woman trainee is in her cycle, she is quarantined.  I could not go into any of the rooms with muhti, or the office, where the computer is.  I was basically cut off from contact with people.  So, my stuff was stirred by the bones, and I had to sit with it: no one to help me sort it out.  I was alone with my own mind, and I am not sure that that was a good thing.  I started crying uncontrollably on Thursday night, and it finally ended on Sunday afternoon.  And this is the (I still haven't sorted this whole thing out) issue:  The ancestors did not have to tell me yes to my question, when they could have said no.  I came here so that I would have all doubt  with the spirits removed.  Now, my bones lie.  How will I know when they are telling the truth?  I will still have to be on guard, still questioning all that comes in from NOR.  I wanted to have the doubt removed. I want to be able to trust, to just know what I know.  I don't want to have to question.  I want to have confidence that I have "heard", "felt", "seen" the right answer from my ancestors/helping spirits, and just go with it.  And now, my bones have lied to me.  And then I sank lower.  Why did I even come here to Africa?  Why did I force my family to sacrifice, so that I could be here?  What have I gotten out of this experience?  And then I began to experience just how alone I feel, how homesick I am.  Not having the computer, and people who know me and care about me to talk to was really hard.

 

Saturday, Mamba came into my room to talk with me.  He is a healer, except, he is different.  He is about 65, and about 6 years ago, his ancestor began coming to him in dreams, and he hasn't undergone training with any human.  He has only worked with his ancestor.  And he is really interested in spiritual stuff, and we have really good deep conversations.  The ancestor turned his world upside down 6 years ago when he came.  Mamba was a devote Christian, and had been all his life.  His ancestor began to show him the lies the Church had been feeding him, and Mamba had a very real existential crisis.  His whole belief system was dismantled, and he is slowly rebuilding it.  He is very hungry for discussions on spirituality.  So, Mamba didn't think my moon time was a problem, in fact, his ancestor specifically had him bring 9 (that's nine) things for me to bead into necklaces.  His ancestor saw this time as a power time, and wanted that energy in necklaces.  And he stayed and talked with me while I beaded.  And I began to tell Mamba about what was bothering me.  I had moved past that my bones told a lie, to begin questioning some of the other things PH was teaching me.  Some of the behaviors that PH attributes to the ancestors, I was starting to have problems with.  There was a woman who came in with throat cancer.  PH told her (from reading the bones) that her father was angry because he had not received the proper burial ritual, and he was causing the cancer.  She needed to do the ritual, and then he could give her the muthi to cure the cancer.  The thing is, is that she had been to two other traditional healers, and they had told her the same thing.  I have been taught with Shamanism, that the spirits are ego-less.  I have gone through the journeys around death and dying, and I have seen where spirits go when they cross over, and I have seen the process they go through before they are set free to work on behalf the beings here on earth.  I have experienced only love from these healed beings.  So, what does this mean?  It could mean that these are spirits that are still caught in the middle world, and haven't crossed over, or, it could mean that this is a belief system that isn't going to work for me.  Mamba also has problems with a father causing cancer in his daughter.  We came to no conclusions, but we had a very nice discussion about some of the things I am learning, that I am having problems fitting into what I have already experienced within Shamanism.

 

So, where am I now?  No where near as naive as I was a week ago.  No where near as settled as I was a week ago.  Instead, I am back to the place where I have to thoroughly examine information/teachings that come in, and let my gut decide what to keep, what to toss, and what to "just wait and see".  I can't move into this system, it's not my culture.  And, PH's teachings may no longer work even in his culture.  He is 82, and life around him has moved forward.  It may be that the new healers, like Mamba are bringing about a system without the punishing ancestors, that the current generation of Swazi's may be more willing to accept.  I don't know, I am just wondering.  I also don't know how being here has changed me.  I am too close to the experience.  I will have to wait for others to tell me what they see, and I will have to give time for this experience to settle "in my bones".  I do know that my journeying has changed.  Last night I journeyed to my ancestors.  I realized that I didn't know where to go, so I just set my intention.  And afterwards, I realized that I didn't go anywhere.  It was a very unusual experience.  I had a great conversation with them, and got good information.  It was just different.  So, this is where I am.  Did I get what I came for? I think yes and no.  I have the ancestors, and I know they are with me all the time.  I still have doubt and trust issues, and I hope those with disappear with time.  This is all for now.  I will be home in four days, very grateful to my family for seeing me through this.  Shilo

Missing home and more bone stories

Today is Monday.  Well, I am still here in Africa, less than two weeks to go, and I must admit, that I am ready to go. I would really like a shower, and to be able to cook in a real kitchen!

 

This weekend, there has been a gentleman visiting the homestead, by the name of Mamba. He is one of the most kind hearted men I have ever met. The ancestors came to him, just as he retired from a life in the Swazi state department. He was a diplomat his whole career, and a stanch Christian. The ancestors turned his life upside down. I spent most of the weekend beading some of his sacred objects for him, and talking. One  night, PH, Mamba and I had a very lively discussion about the nature of ilness.

 

When a client comes to be diagnosed, the very first bone throw reveals to the healer any secrets the client has tried to keep from the rest of humanity. The bones will reveal any places of intense guilt or shame. I have seen this with my own two eyes. So, the client has come in with a complaint of a body ailment, and the bones say: "this person stole from his neighbor ten years ago."  Before you can go any further, you have to confirm this with your client.  Clients are not very thrilled when you ask "Did you steal something from your neighbor, about ten years ago?"  They want to hear about the lump on their leg. But the bones won't say anything other than about the theft until the client confirms it.  This tends to agitate clients.  Once the client says "yes I did this", and shows remorse, then the bones with begin to tell about the treatment.  (And remember, the ancestors are talking through the bones.)  So, it has begun to occur to me, on a very visceral level, that spiritual imbalance is truly the root of all ilness.  The reason the lump in the client's leg would not be healed by traditional medicine, was because he had internal guilt that had to be alieviated.  The ancestors perscribe a purifying ceremony, and once the client has been cleansed, then the client is given muhti. And the muhti will clear up, in two days,  a lump that has been there for many years.  The problem comes about if the client will not owne that he stole from his neighbor.  Then you have to say, "that is what the ancestors are saying, and I can not help you any further. I have thrown the bones six times, and each time they say the same thing. You must go."

 

So, this process is also exactly what happens to all clients, even foreigners.  I have also seen that one with my two eyes. PH has a very wide reputation, and people come to see him from all over the world. The way the ancestors work, they work for all clients. So, PH has had to become a master at giving the message from the bones in such a way as that the client can own their guilt or shame, so it can be cleansed. This is an incredibly powerful process.  People have no idea what they are getting into, when they come to see a traditional healer. And both PH and Mamba made it very clear that not all traditional healers go to the root of the problem. There are many, just like the Western doctors that only heal the current ailment.  Some do it because that is the level of their skill, others out of greed: to keep the client coming back. I am amazed watching the bones work. My bones are very lively, and give good information, and I will be so very grateful when the day comes when I read them without hesitation.

 

The second part of our dicussion involved payment. Both PH and Mamba said that the ancestors are the directing us to live our legacy as healers or artists, or whatever, and in so doing, they are giving you your inhereitance. t is not OK for you to give your inheritance away!  If you do, the ancestors may walk away, because you do not value their gift.  At one point PH's ancestor did not bring him a client for three years, because he had too many clients that were not paying him  or that owed him money, and he didn't go looking for them to collect.  At this point in his life, healing was all he did.  So the three years were very, very hard on him and his family.  But he learned his lesson.  PH does not see that you are asking your clients to pay for a miracle.  You are asking them to honor your ancestors, and to do this in a way that impacts the client.  It has to have value.

 

This is all for now, good night,  Shilo

Building a fire

Hello from Africa,

 

I thought you all might like to know what a typical day looks like, or did look like before the weather turned so cold. I get up at 5:00 am to go out and start a fire in the dark, over which I boil water that has herbs in it. In the beginning, I thought I could very easily flunk this whole training experience, just because I could not build a fire. It's not about the dark (although that does add an additional challenge. I make sure I have prepared my materials the night before), it's just getting the thing going.

 

I have a box of matches, and I have to collect everything else.  I am so very grateful for the box of matches!  Once I finally get the small twigs to take, and then get bigger ones to go, there is no guarantee that I have a fire. Each moment has anxiety for me, until the water boils. I have had the fire go out at every point along the way. I now talk daily to the spirit of fire, and have worked hard to become friends. It has given me some pointers and my fire building has improved, but I am far from being an expert.  Once I get the fire going and the water boils, I take my pot into an outdoor room (it has cement for a floor, and corrugated tin for the walls). There I take off my clothes, sit on a wooden stool, cover myself and the pot with blankets, take off the lid, and steam for 30 to 40 minutes. And do I sweat!  Once the steam is gone, I poor the water from the pot into a bucket, add cold water, and bathe my entire body with it. Then I get dressed, clean up the area, and return to my room.

 

Then it's time to eat bubbles. I take a pot of muhti (energy infused herbs) outside, kneel on a goat skin facing east, and whip the muhti into bubbles, where I eat the bubbles. The bubbles are the food of the ancestors. I take my muhti back to my room, quickly get something to eat, and I'm off for the bones lesson. That can last from 2 to 3 hours. Then lunch, and reading or beading of power objects until 3:00 pm, when I begin the process of steaming again and eating bubbles, followed by the dancing. Dinner happens afterwards, it I'm not to tired to eat. Then I read email, and go to bed to repeat the whole process over again the next day.

 

Sometimes, I have to go into town on errand for PH or my ancestors.  They sent me out to get a hat for one of them a couple of days ago. I now have my Shaman's hat. And one day I had to go for beads. When this happens, my lesson doesn't happen. The last two days have been really cold, and my bowels have been acting out, so the steaming has been forgiven too. I feel like I am on vacation when I don't have to deal with the fire. Doesn't matter that I am sleeping on the floor, and taking sponge baths!

 

Yesterday, I had a long bone lesson. On some of the throws, I would get a "gut" reading, and when PH said "talk", I would just hazard what my gut said.  He was pleased with those, but he wanted me to touch the bones, and have them tell the story, just as I would do for a client.  I sometimes could do that one, and I have a long ways to go.  Then on the rest of the throws, I heard nothing - no gut feel - just silence.  I told PH I was waiting for my ancestors to talk to me.  He said they already had, the bones were their talk. It is up to me to translate it into my own language.  It's like reading a metaphor, except there is no way the clients can read the bones for themselves. In shamanism, you give the clients the metaphor, but you don't interpret it for them.  But how is a client to figure out what looks to them like a lot of random objects on a mat?  I guess you could take a picture of it, and send them home with it to let it work silently on their psyche, but they don't know what the objects represent, therefore, you as the healer, give them a story. The bone readings that I am getting better at, are the questions that have "yes" or "no" answers.  One throw that I made yesterday, the bones asked me a question. And I had to answer it, and throw again for my original answer. I had no idea the bones could ask me questions!  And  the answers to the non yes/no questions are deep. When I chew on the answers, because PH talks in simple English, the answers are really profound, and there is no way he could know the dynamics involved.  Now, I just want to be able to read them the way he does. Never mind that he has been practicing for 51 years!

 

Last night we talked about the money you earn as a healer. In this Way you are not earning it, your ancestors are, therefore, the money is not yours. A healer needs to put the money in a special place, maybe on your altar. A healer trained in the ways of the Sangoma must ask the ancestors before they spend it. One shares what the money is needed for, and once the ancestors understand, they will let the healer take it. Your ancestors may take one of your cars for himself.  If he does, he will tell you.  Then the healer has to ask him before they take the car places, and you have to make sure the ancestor is in it, before you leave. Otherwise, there will be consequences. Luckily for me, I have been putting the money from my business on my altar for a long time. If you need money, you explain it clearly and carefully to the ancestors, and they will help you get it.  If you use the money unwisely, and not for what you asked, you can lose money just as fast as they found it for you!

 

Good night from Africa,

Shilo

Down to the bones-listen, listen, listen

Today is Monday, and I think it is the 15th. I have been learning to throw the bones, which are used as a divination tool for diagnosing. I have picked out my objects from various sacks and jars of bones and shells. I found out which of my ancestors are responsible for using the bones, and that is the one I talk to when I ask the questions. There are so many different aspects to this practice. The first step is to define what each object represents. That seemed easy enough, I could just journey to them.  PH didn't give me that kind of time.  I had to connect to the ancestor, pick up an object, and say its name. And then remember. So the naming got me student points, and my first reading took them all away. PH got to laughing so hard he had tears running down his eyes at the nonsense I was saying.  He said it had nothing to do with the bones. Am I getting any better?  I certainly hope so.  I keep waiting for the owner of the bones to tell me the story, and so far, all I hear is the silence. Then PH looks at me, and says "talk".  I have to come up with something.  I think I am going to try merging with the owner before I go into my next lesson, and see if that makes a difference.

 

He is teaching me more than just reading the bones. In the process, I am also learning about how a healer is with a client. The healer could do the job without the bones. The ancestor has told the healer the story before the bones fall. The bones are there for the benefit of the client.  The healer is a salesman.  He uses the bones to give the client confidence in the healer's ability, so the client evokes his own inner healer and his own ancestors to help with the process. Once the client has faith in the healer, the job is just about done, even without the muthi (energy infused herbs). And, so there is a way of talking with the bones to the client, and asking questions, and putting forth information, that also elicits agreement from the client.  I think this is what we do with the healing stories from a soul retrieval. The story invokes the inner healer in the client, so they can work with whatever you bring back to them. We can't make them heal, we can only inspire them to heal themselves. This is all for now. Good night from Africa,

 

Shilo

Posted by Michele 8/15/05

I sing and dance, and merge

Today is Friday.  I have been here for a week.  Dancing has been added to my daily routine.  I now dance in the afternoons.  I thought I was supposed to be learning traditional African dance, but it turns out what I am doing is letting the drums lift me out, and the ancestors in, basically like we sing and dance at our workshops. Once I understood this, life got a lot better. Every afternoon, I sing and dance, and merge with the ancestors. My merging is getting better, the  connection is getting stronger, but it is still not a full possession, which is the state the African Sangoma works from. Once I am merged, I channel until the connection is gone.  And then, I am very tired. Five ancestors have offered themselves during this session. The first one said they are a party of seven, so I guess we have two more to go. This life is getting easier. It may because where the new moon energies are, and it may be because I am getting into a routine that makes sense to me. I don't know, but I am happy for the ease and grace. And one big additional benefit. PH noticed how stiff my knees are (both have had surgeries), and he has made a muti to work with them, and there has been a big improvement. By the time I leave, he says they should be as good as new, and they will stay that way. I am grateful for this.  I spend time kneeling every day, and it was painful. Today was a good day.

 

Just a side note, today I had to drive PH somewhere about forty-five minutes away. On the way we passed through a game reserve. As we enter the area, there is a sign posted.  "Bicylists beware of the elephants and lions"  That one got my attention. I saw a monkey running down the side of the road. Looked so out of context. I was driving, and to see a monkey. And there were impalla (I know I spelled that one wrong). PH said the elephants and lions are kept farther back in the reserve, away from the road, but sometimes they get to the road.  I hope to be able to go into the reserve while I am here, now that I know that it is here.

What a journey it is!!

Sorry it has taken me so long to log in and update what is going on.  For starters, on the morning of July 26th, the day I was supposed to leave, I received a phone call saying the airlines were on strike and my flight was cancelled.  I was not able to get a flight to South Africa until August 4th.  I will now return on September 3rd.

Even with new flight arrangements, and re-confirming the reservation at least three times, I did not have a confirmed flight beyond Denver.  Once I got to Atlanta, I had to work with the airlines to get on board.  I could not find my luggage once I arrived in Johnasberg(sp).  In Johnasberg, I was told my flight to Manzini was a domestic flight, until I got to the counter in the domestic air terminal, where I was told it was an international flight- Swaziland is its own country within South Africa.

I had 30 minutes to get back to the international terminal, get through the ticket line, get through the passport line, and get to the gate.  It was so very close.  While I was waiting in line to get my passport checked, I realized that this line would take at least an hour, and a little voice inside me said to go through the diplomats line.  On a whim, I tried it.  The man said no, and as the tears fell, I turned around a walked two steps, when he changed his mind.  He checked my passport, I ran for the gate, and got there just as they were shutting the door. My luggage had been checked all the way to Manzini, as it was an international terminal.  In my mind I thought driving to the homestead was going to be the ordeal, yet as I was getting directions as I rented my car, a man heard where I was asking to go, and volunteered to lead me.  I followed him into town to the bank to exchange money, and then he led me to the road out of town.  From there, I drove straight to the homestead, althought it was on the wrong side of the road, and I am having to teach my left hand how to shift the gears.

So I arrived here on Friday afternoon, and today is Tuesday.  On Saturday, PH threw the bones to find out why I am here, and in the process, he asked me about my altar.  He asked me who lived in my altar, and where they lived in my altar.  I have had an altar for over 10 years, and I don't believe that I have ever thought about who lived there, which particular Spirit.  PH laughed and said it was just a meeting place for who ever wandered in.  When I put up an altar, I do so with intent and purpose, but I have never asked a particular spirit to live there.  So, this is what I would put to you.

Who lives in your altar?  Where does that Spirit(s) live?  Do they like the things you have put there? or did you just put things there? are the objects their things?  Did the Spirit who lives in your altar pick the cloth, or did you?

This is all for now,

Shilo